A short letter to someone who will probably never read it

To the unknown person taking money as an externally contracted monitor for the UNC vs. whoever-the-hell-it-was basketball game on December 30th who decided to take half of a headache medicine and leave the rest of the suspicious white powder wrapped in unmarked plastic in a special events money bag where it would be found in the safe room of the UNC Public Safety building and cause a headache and a half for the assistant special event parking coordinator on January 3:

You twit.