Spidermanian Rhapsody

Spidermanian Rhapsody
(as written by chaosvizier, who was kind enough to give me reposting permission.)

PETER PARKER: Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Bit by a spider,
Now it's changed my reality.

MARY JANE: Open your eyes
Our love is meant to be!

PP: I'm just a nerd boy,
I get no sympathy

CHORUS: Your life is nerdity, mockery,
One-handed love for thee

PP: Anyway the web goes, Stan Lee doesn't matter to me, to me.

PP: Aunt May just lost her man
I didn't stop the guy
But I could have, should have tried.
Aunt May, I have just begun
To use my new power responsably.
Aunt May, o-o-o-o,
I had to let him die.
Now I have an awesome origin story
So I can go fight crime, that's all that really matters.

NORMAN OSBORN: That's it, my time has come.
Being CEO is lame
When you've made pumpkins of flame.
Goodbye everybody, I'll kill you all;
I'm all hopped up on some mutant PCP.
Harry, o-o-o-o,
You're a lame-ass son,
I sometimes wish you'd never been born at all...

NO: I see a little silhouetto of a nerd-
CHORUS: Spider man! Spider man! He is gonna whup your butt now!
NO: Pumpkin bombs and green gas!
PP: Damn, he's kicking my ass! Eeep!
CHORUS: Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Mary Jane Watson's giving him wet dreams...
PP: I'm still a nerd boy with a dead family!
CHORUS: He's still a nerd boy in the university!
MJ: I'll date his best friend, such a tragedy!
PP: Fighting crime, need a job, look at my photos?
J. JONAH JAMESON: YOU'RE FIRED! No, I'll buy your crap photos.
PP: My photos?
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! No, make Spidey look crap-o.
PP: But you know-
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! Yo, Miss Brant, ditch this hobo.
PP: Now I'll go-
JJJ: Make Spidey look crap-o!
PP: Green Goblin?
JJJ: That does not even rhyme!
PP: What's that no-
NO: Now-I'll-beat-you-like-a-ho!
PP: Gone to dinner with my family-
CHORUS: Norm and Harry have a row!
The Green Goblin has discovered you are Spider-Man! Yes man! You're cannned!

[Cue guitar riff]

NO: So you think you can shun me and hurt my pride?
I've got your girl and a tram of folks and they're fried!
PP: No, baby! I can catch them both baby!
NO: Left hook from the side!
PP: Spider-Sense denied!
MJ: Get him Tiger!

[Cue fight scene]

NO: Don't tell little Harry
That his dad's crazy... *dies*
PP: What do I tell Harry? What do I tell MJ? Why me?

CHORUS: Spiderman's a hero...